It’s been six weeks since our daughter, Clementine, was born. She’s finally sleeping better and going longer between feedings. She’s also becoming more alert when she’s awake. My husband and I, on the other hand, feel like we’ve been hit by a truck. I’m amazed that we’ve muddled through. Newborn care for the first month may not be rocket science, but babies require a lot of around-the-clock hands-on care.

Here are the best tips for newborn baby care during the first month of nursing, soothing, sleeping, getting your partner involved, going out, and staying sane. Remember, you and your baby are both new at this. With some practice and time, you’ll both find your groove. We talked to seasoned parents and baby experts to make your first month with your newborn easier. Here is what they shared.

 

Getting Started With Nursing

Babies eat and eat and eat. From sore nipples to tough latch-ons, breastfeeding and chestfeeding can feel overwhelming. Here is some advice on getting the lactation support you need if you plan to nurse.

1. Get lactation support

Research shows that nursing parents who seek help have a higher success rate with breastfeeding and may even breastfeed for longer.1 “Think of ways to ensure success before you even give birth,” suggests Stacey Brosnan, CNM, IBCLC, a nurse-midwife and board-certified lactation consultant in New York City. Talk with friends who have had a good nursing experience, ask your baby’s pediatrician for a referral for a lactation consultant, or attend a local or virtual breastfeeding support group.

2. Use hospital resources

Kira Sexton, a Brooklyn, New York, mom, says, “I learned everything I could about breastfeeding before I left the hospital.” Ask if there’s a nursing class or a lactation consultant on staff. Push the nurse-call button each time you’re ready to feed the baby, and ask a nurse to spot you and offer advice.

3. Don’t forget to think about yourself

At home, you’ll want to drop everything to feed the baby the moment they cry for you. But Heather O’Donnell, a mom in New York City, suggests taking care of yourself first. “Get a glass of water and a book or magazine to read.” And, because breastfeeding can take a while, she says, “pee first!”

4. Try a warm compress

If your breasts are engorged or you have blocked ducts, a warm compress can help. A heating pad or a warm, wet washcloth works, but a flax pillow (often sold with natural beauty products) is even better. “Heat it in the microwave, and conform it to your breast,” says Laura Kriska, a mom in Brooklyn, New York.

5. Use a cold pack for sore breasts and nipples

Heat helps the milk flow, but if your breasts are sore after nursing, try a cold pack. Amy Hooker, a San Diego mom, says, “A bag of frozen peas worked really well for me.”

6. Get your baby used to a bottle while nursing

If you want your baby to eventually take a bottle, introduce it after breastfeeding is established but before the 3-month mark. Many experts say 6 to 8 weeks is good, but “we started each of our kids on one bottle a day at 3 weeks,” says Jill Sizemore, a mom in Pendleton, Indiana.

 

Helping Your Baby Sleep

If your infant isn’t eating, they’re probably sleeping. Newborns log as many as 16 hours of sleep a day but only in short bursts. The result: You’ll feel on constant alert and more exhausted than you ever thought possible. Even the best of us can come to resent the severe sleep deprivation.

According to the National Sleep Foundation, how much sleep a new parent gets plays a significant role in mental health and life satisfaction.2 Here are some tips to help you get those hard-won z’s.

7. Stop obsessing about being tired

There’s only one goal right now: Care for your baby. “You’re not going to get a full night’s sleep, so you can either be tired and angry or just tired,” says Vicki Lansky, author of Getting Your Child to Sleep…and Back to Sleep. “Just tired is easier.”

8. Take shifts

One night, it’s your turn to rock the cranky baby; the next, it’s your partner’s turn. Amy Reichardt and her husband, Richard, parents in Denver, worked out a system for the weekends when Richard was off from work. “I’d be up with the baby at night but got to sleep in. Richard did all the morning care, then got to nap later.”

9. Sleep when the baby sleeps

Yes, really. The old adage “sleep when your baby sleeps” really is the best advice. There will always be housework to catch up on, but sometimes, taking a nap is the most productive thing you can do as the parent of a newborn. “Take naps together and go to bed early,” says Sarah Clark, a mom in Washington, D.C.

10. Go ahead and rock your baby to sleep

What if your infant has trouble sleeping? Do whatever it takes: Nurse or rock your baby to sleep; let your newborn fall asleep on your chest or in the car seat (just be sure to transfer them to a safe sleep surface as soon as you can). “Don’t worry about bad habits yet. It’s about survival—yours!” says Jean Farnham, a Los Angeles mom.

 

Soothing Your Baby

It’s often hard to decipher exactly what your newborn wants in the first murky weeks. You’ll learn, of course, by trial and error.

11. Mimic the womb

“The key to soothing fussy infants is to mimic the womb. Swaddling, shushing, and swinging, as well as allowing babies to suck and holding them on their sides, may trigger a calming reflex,” says Harvey Karp, MD, creator of The Happiest Baby on the Block books, videos, and DVDs.

Studies have shown that mimicking the womb can help calm babies—even preterm babies.3 So, hold your baby close, sway to and fro, and quietly sing your favorite lullaby; you might be surprised at how magical your presence can be.

12. Play tunes

Forget the dubious theory that music makes a baby smarter, and concentrate on the fact that it’s likely to calm them. “The Baby Einstein tapes saved us,” says Kim Rich, a mom in Anchorage, Alaska.

13. Warm things up

Alexandra Komisaruk, a mom in Los Angeles, found that diaper changes triggered a meltdown. “I made warm wipes using paper towels and a pumpable thermos of warm water,” she says. You can also buy an electric wipe warmer or try warming wipes up in your hands first to take the edge off the chill.

14. Find what works for you

What works for one baby doesn’t necessarily work for another. Part of getting to know your baby is figuring out what works for them. “Doing deep knee bends and lunges while holding my daughter calmed her down,” says Emily Earle, a mom in Brooklyn, New York. “And the upside was, I got my legs back in shape!”

15. Soak to soothe

If all else fails, try a warm bath together. “You’ll relax, too, and a relaxed mommy can calm a baby,” says Emily Franklin, a Boston mom. Just be sure that the umbilical cord has fallen off first. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), the umbilical cord needs to stay clean and dry before it shrivels up and falls off.4

 

Getting Partners Involved

If you are bringing up your baby in a two-parent household, it’s important to share the mental load and give both parents a chance to learn what needs to be done to help your baby thrive.

16. Let them be

Many first-time parents hesitate to get involved for fear of doing something wrong. “Moms need to allow their husbands to make mistakes without criticizing them,” says Armin Brott, author of The New Father: A Dad’s Guide to the First Year.

17. Take time off from work

If partners don’t get the option of parental leave through work, see if they can use vacation or sick days to take some time off. That’s what Thad Calabrese of Brooklyn, New York, did after all the visiting relatives left. “There was more for me to do, and I got some alone time with my son.”

18. Divvy up duties

Mark DiStefano, a dad in Los Angeles, took over the cleaning and grocery shopping. “I also took Ben for a bit each afternoon so my wife could have a little time to herself.”

19. Encourage your partner to bond

Skin-to-skin contact with caregivers is hugely beneficial for newborns—and their caregivers. In fact, one study looking specifically at fathers showed that fathers who held their newborns with skin-to-skin contact experienced a significant reduction in stress responses.5

“I used to take my shirt off and put the baby on my chest while we napped,” says Bob Vonnegut, a dad in Islamorada, Florida. “I loved the rhythm of our hearts beating together.”

 

Staying Sane

No matter how excited you are to be a parent, the constant care an infant demands can drain you. Find ways to take care of yourself by lowering your expectations and stealing short breaks.

20. Ignore unwanted or confusing advice

“In the end, you’re the parents, so you decide what’s best,” says Julie Balis, a mom in Frankfort, Illinois.

21. Housework comes second

“Forget about housework for the first couple of months,” says Alison Mackonochie, author of 100 Tips for a Happy Baby. “Concentrate on getting to know your baby. If anyone has anything to say about the dust piling up or the unwashed dishes, smile and hand them a duster or the dish detergent!”

22. Say yes when someone offers a hand

Accept help from anyone who is nice—or naive—enough to offer. “If a neighbor wants to hold the baby while you shower, say yes!” says Jeanne Anzalone, a mom in Croton-on-Hudson, New York.

23. Ask for the help you need

Got lots of people who want to help but don’t know how? “Don’t be afraid to tell people exactly what you need,” says Abby Moskowitz, a Brooklyn mom. It’s one of the few times in your life when you’ll be able to order everyone around!

24. Give other people the bigger jobs

“Changing a diaper takes two minutes. You’ll need others to do time-consuming work like cooking, sweeping floors, and buying diapers,” says Catherine Park, a Cleveland mom.

25. Reconnect

To keep yourself from feeling detached from the world, Jacqueline Kelly, a mom in Lewisburg, Pennsylvania, suggests: “Get outside on your own, even for five minutes.” Researchers have found that up to 80% of first-time parents experience postpartum distress and that having a social network can ease some of those feelings and provide support.6

 

Out and About With Your Baby

Newborn baby care in the first month is all about learning everything your child needs to be safe, healthy, and happy—and that includes how to prepare for taking them on their first big adventure outside, even if it’s just to the store for more diapers.

26. Enlist backup

Make your first journey to a big, public place with a veteran parent. “Having my sister with me for support kept me from becoming flustered the first time I went shopping with my newborn,” says Suzanne Zook, a mom in Denver.

27. Go somewhere family-friendly

If you’re on your own, “stick to places likely to welcome a baby, such as story hour at a library or bookstore,” suggests Christin Gauss, a mom in Fishers, Indiana.

28. Keep your diaper bag stocked

“Keep your diaper bag packed,” says Fran Bowen, a mom in Brooklyn. There’s nothing worse than finally getting the baby ready, only to find that you’re not.

29. Stash a spare for yourself, too

Holland Brown, a mom in Long Beach, California, always keeps a change of adult clothes in her diaper bag. “You don’t want to get stuck walking around with an adorable baby but mustard-colored poop all over you.”

30. Embrace the chaos

The most helpful virtue for a new parent: flexibility. “Keep your plans simple and be prepared to abandon them at any time,” says Margi Weeks, a mom in Tarrytown, New York. If nothing else, remember that everyone makes it through, and so will you. Soon enough, you’ll be rewarded with your baby’s first smile, and that will help make up for all the initial craziness.